How Do I Make a Wedding Guest List?

(Without Starting World War III in the Family)

Let’s face it: making a wedding guest list is the relationship equivalent of trying to defuse a bomb using only your trauma and a butter knife. It sounds simple. You write down names of people you love. You invite them. You get married. Boom, done. Right?

Wrong.
Because nothing screams “true love” quite like arguing with your fiancé about whether your third cousin twice removed and her five toddlers should get a plus-one and an organic, gluten-free kids' meal.

Welcome to the part of wedding planning no one warned you about — the guest list. It's not romantic. It's not fun. And it sure as hell isn't fair. But it is necessary. So buckle up.

Step 1: Forget Pinterest. Face Reality.

Before you start writing names, take a long, sober look at your budget. I know, I know. You want the castle, the fireworks, the 200-person celebration of your eternal love. But guess what? Your wallet wants a nap and a bottle of wine.

Every guest you add isn’t just a seat — it’s another dinner, another chair rental, another welcome bag filled with overpriced bath salts no one will use. So do your future self a favor: set a realistic budget, then subtract 10% just to prepare for the inevitable chaos.

Also, check your venue capacity. You might love 200 people, but if your venue only fits 120, you’ve got 80 people you’re gonna have to ghost harder than your ex.

Step 2: Write Down Everybody You Know (Yes, Even the Weird Uncle)

This part is like emotional spring cleaning. You and your partner should each grab a drink and separately write down every single person you might, could, or kinda-sorta-maybe feel obligated to invite.
Parents. Best friends. Ex-roommates. Bosses. That girl who let you cry on her shoulder at 2am in college after your second tequila divorce. Put them all on there.

Why? Because it’s easier to trim a long list than it is to add names later without making it weird.

Step 3: Ruthlessly Prioritize Like You’re Casting for Survivor

Now here’s where it gets brutal. Divide your list into three categories:

🅰️ Priority A – The Ride-or-Dies

• Parents, siblings, lifelong friends.

• The people who knew you before you could spell "relationship" correctly.

• The ones who’d show up even if your wedding was on a Wednesday in Siberia.

🅱️ Priority B – The Warm and Fuzzies

• Cousins, coworkers, college friends you still text once a year.

• You like these people, but if they couldn’t make it, your marriage would survive.

🅲️ Priority C – The “If We Win the Lottery” People

• Neighbors. Plus-ones. Your mom’s yoga teacher.

• These are the folks who might make the cut if your RSVP rate looks like a ghost town.

If someone lands in Priority C and you feel a little guilty? Good. That means the system is working.

Wedding Guest List Priority Table

Step 4: Ask the Golden Question

Before finalizing the list, ask yourself this:

“If I weren’t invited to their wedding, would I care?”

If your answer is “meh,” then they’ll feel the same about yours. If your answer is “I’d burn their house down,” you may want to keep them on the list (and maybe call your therapist).

Step 5: The Great Plus-One Debate

Ah, the plus-one question. A battlefield of its own.

Basic rules:

• Married, engaged, and cohabiting couples? Automatic yes.

• Your bridal party? Yes again.

• Random Tinder date they met last week? Absolutely not, Karen.

Use common sense. Be kind. But also, don’t let your cousin bring Chad just because he shows up in her Instagram stories occasionally shirtless.

Step 6: Kids or No Kids? Prepare for the Rage.

Here's the truth: You can’t invite just the “cute” kids. Either it’s a kid-friendly wedding or it’s not.

You can set an age limit — like 13+ — and that’s fair. But don't cherry-pick which children get in unless they’re in the wedding party or yours personally pooped on you recently. Otherwise, the drama will outlast your marriage.

Step 7: Meet Your Frenemy: The B-List

Yes, it’s a thing. It’s like the junior varsity team of your wedding.

You don’t tell anyone they’re on it. You just wait to see who RSVP’d “no” from the A-list and quietly slide in those invites like a political maneuver. Just make sure the invites don’t go out too late, or you’ll look like they were literally second choice — because, well, they were.

Step 8: Get Organized or Die Trying

You’re going to need a system. Google Sheets. Zola. The Knot. A 47-tab Excel spreadsheet with color coding and conditional formatting.

Track:

• Who you invited

• Who said yes

• Their plus-one status

• Their meal preference (if applicable)

• Whether they gave you a gift (and how guilty you feel about it)

• If you sent a thank-you note (no, emoji reactions don’t count)

This is where your Type A personality finally gets its moment in the spotlight.

Final Thoughts: It’s Your Damn Wedding

People will get offended. Your mom will try to guilt you into inviting her former boss from 1984. Your partner will want to include that one friend who’s been ghosting them since the engagement.

And you know what? That’s fine.
You’re not trying to please everyone. You’re trying to get married, not run for office.

So go with your gut. Talk it out. Laugh about it. Fight a little. Then pour some wine and remember that this is about celebrating the beginning of your forever — with the people who matter most.

And hey, if all else fails?
Just elope and invite no one.

Now go make that list. And maybe block your extended family on Facebook for a while. Just in case.

Still Planning Your Wedding?

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