How Do I Start Planning a Wedding (Without Losing My Mind or Murdering My Partner)

So you got engaged. Yay.

Cue the tears, champagne, Instagram boomerangs, and your mom immediately asking when the big day is. You thought getting proposed to was the hard part. Cute.

Let me break it to you: wedding planning is basically a part-time job dressed up as a Pinterest board. It’s emotional. It’s expensive. And if you're not careful, it can chew you up, spit you out, and leave you crying in a pile of vendor contracts and cupcake samples.

But don’t panic. Here’s your no-fluff, slightly sarcastic, extremely real guide to planning your wedding—step by messy step.

1. First, Talk About Money (Before You Blow It All on a Flower Wall)

Look, this is the least sexy part of wedding planning, but it’s the most important. The number one reason couples fight during the planning process?

Money.

Before you dive into florists and fonts, you need to sit down and ask the hard questions:

• How much money do we actually have for this wedding?

• Are our parents contributing? If so, how much—and what are the strings attached?

• What’s most important to us—good food? Killer venue? Photos we’ll actually frame?

The national average wedding cost in 2025 is around $33,000, but that number is a lie. Your wedding could cost $5K or $150K depending on where you live, who you invite, and how bougie your taste is.

Here’s a realistic breakdown of where that money usually goes:

Pro Tip: Track every dollar. Google Sheets is free. So is Notion. There’s no excuse to be surprised when the bill comes.

2. Build the Guest List (Then Slash It Like a Horror Movie Villain)

Here’s the brutal truth: your guest list is not about feelings—it’s about math.

Every extra guest adds cost. It affects:

• Venue capacity

• Catering headcount

• Number of tables, chairs, centerpieces, favors, even slices of cake

Start with this:

1. You and your partner each write your own ideal list.

2. Add immediate family.

3. Include extended family, closest friends, work besties.

4. Cross-reference. Cut mercilessly.

If you’re unsure whether to invite someone, ask:

• Have I talked to them in the last year?

• Would I pay $100 for this person to eat chicken marsala and drink prosecco?

• Would I mind if they weren’t in the photos?

Also, expect a 75–80% attendance rate. Unless your wedding is in the middle of nowhere or during a pandemic, most people will come. Be ready.

Pro Tip: Don’t let parents steamroll your list. Their college roommate’s cousin does not need to be there.

3. Book the Venue Early (Like, Right Now)

Your venue is the anchor of your entire wedding. Everything else—date, vibe, guest count—hinges on it.

What to ask when you visit:

• What’s included? (Tables, chairs, linens, booze?)

• What’s the rain plan for outdoor spaces?

• Is there a curfew?

• Can I bring my own vendors?

• What’s the deposit and cancellation policy?

Oh—and ask about hidden fees. Some venues charge corkage, cleanup, or “cake cutting” fees. Yes, really.

Red Flags: No contract, shady payment terms, or they won’t let you visit more than once. Run.

4. Lock in Your Key Vendors (Before They Ghost You)

Good vendors book out fast, sometimes a year in advance.

Here’s who to lock down early:

• Photographer/Videographer: This isn’t the time for your cousin with an iPhone. Look through full wedding galleries, not just the Instagram highlight reel.

• Planner/Coordinator: If you can afford one, do it. You’re paying for peace of mind.

• Caterer: Do a tasting. If the food sucks, it’s not worth any price.

• DJ/Band: Vet their vibe. The DJ can make or break your reception.

• Florist: Be honest about your budget. Peonies in December? That’s a no—unless you go silk.
  Honestly, most people can’t even tell the difference when you use high-end artificial wedding flowers (and yes, your future self will thank you when you don’t have to toss $800 worth of wilting roses). I’ve seen silk done right—check out Rinlong Flower if you don’t believe me. Budget-friendly, stress-free, and still totally Pinterest-worthy.

Ask this when interviewing vendors:

• “Have you worked at our venue before?”

• “What happens if you get sick?”

• “Do you charge overtime?”

• “What’s in the contract?”

5. Build a Timeline (And Stick to It or Suffer)

Don’t “wing it.” That’s not bold—it’s dumb. Here’s a high-level timeline that doesn’t suck:

12+ Months Before

• Budget, guest list, venue

• Book planner, photographer, caterer

• Create wedding website

• Get ring insured (yes, seriously)

9–11 Months

• Book florist, music, officiant

• Send save-the-dates

• Start dress/tux shopping

• Book honeymoon

6–8 Months

• Order invitations

• Lock in decor plan

• Book hair/makeup artists

• Reserve hotel blocks

4–6 Months

• Finalize menu

• Order cake

• Buy wedding rings

• Schedule fittings

• Plan rehearsal dinner

2–4 Weeks

• Get marriage license

• Final vendor confirmations

• Final seating chart

• Final dress fitting

• Pack for honeymoon

6. Avoid These Rookie Mistakes

• Overbooking your day: You are not Beyoncé. You don’t need five outfit changes and a fireworks finale.

• Forgetting hidden costs: Taxes, service fees, overtime charges—they add up fast.

• DIY overload: You can glue 150 favor boxes… or you can stay sane. Pick one.

• Not reading contracts: Read. Every. Line. Of. Every. Contract. Always.

• Planning for perfection: Something will go wrong. Roll with it.

Final Words of Advice (That You Probably Need to Hear)

Planning a wedding is like managing a three-ring circus, except the lions are your in-laws, the tent is leaking, and you're the only one with the checklist.

So remember this:

• You don’t need to please everyone. It’s not their wedding.

• You don’t need to spend more than you can afford. Your marriage matters more than the party.

• You don’t need to prove anything. Social media is not real life.

Do it your way. And above all else—don’t forget to be a couple while you’re being co-planners.

This is your first big project together. Make it count.

PS: If you want to spend more time enjoying your engagement and less time crying over centerpieces, trust me—go silk. Rinlong Flower makes wedding flowers that don’t die, don’t stress you out, and don’t break your budget. You deserve that win.